As much as we love it when the New York Times is out-of-touch with reality, we also appreciate it when they try a little too hard to be cool.
In a new story in the real estate section, the Grey Lady tackles the impending L train shutdown, which is causing hipsters in Williamsburg to have panic attacks about where they will find their next kale juice. And so, the Times did the hard work of locating other neighborhoods they can move that are “similarly packed with millennials, chock-a-block with restaurants and that exude an artsy vibe.”
Among their recommendations:
South Williamsburg: It’s near North Williamsburg, but off the JMZ trains so doesn’t come with L train problems. The downside? A lack of “trendy Williamsburg-type bars and shops,” though a Korean restaurant with “offbeat decor” is a sign of “changes to come.”
Flatbush Avenue: Though this area has been thought of as “little more than a thoroughfare between the Manhattan Bridge exit and other parts of Brooklyn,” it actually has some things to offer! Like “glassy towers” with “indoor pools, rooftop picnic areas and outdoor movie theaters.”
Mott Haven: We all know how much the NYT loves the South Bronx, and here is further proof! Per the article, this area offers a “grittiness and artistic bent.” Even though the murder rate is higher than in other places in NYC, “the scene inside Filtered Coffee on a recent morning featured a woman in a Nirvana T-shirt serving people hunched over phones and laptops. ‘Being creative is not a hobby. It is a way of life,’ was spray-painted on a wall a few blocks away.”
Sunnyside: The stores and restaurants in this neighborhood “recall pre-gentrification Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg,” which is almost kind of sweet (except for like the people who are going to be displaced).
The Lower East Side: Ok, this one makes sense. As one broker put it, “It is the closest area in Manhattan to Williamsburg.”
Many people were not pleased by the Times article, as the comment section demonstrated well. Our favorite comments below:
Sal Monella: Hey all you Brooklynites and future expats… steer clear of the South Bronx. Its not for you. It’s is one the last surviving neighborhoods that has the old New York vibe. Stop ruining the city.
Sally: These rich hipsters are so spoiled. This will be an inconvenience, not a tragedy. They could take buses, or god forbid a slightly longer commute using another subway line.
Harris: This is what is known as a “high class problem.”
I don’t deny the inconvenience that’s likely to result from all of this but it’s not something I ever plan to spend more than the 47 seconds I already have considering again.
Patrick: There are two locations that the article omitted where, in the face of this mass transit catrastrophe, the hipsters might feel very much at home relocating to: Columbus, Ohio and Topeka, Kansas.
Michael W: By catering to a wealthy and mostly-white readership, the NYT real estate section is not only presenting gentrification as ethically neutral; it is erasing the very real real estate struggles of those who don’t get to choose.
some guy: Sunnyside is only going to be awful soon