This may be the most ridiculous NYT wedding announcement yet

 

Honestly, where does the New York Times wedding section even find these people? This week’s Vows column in the Grey Lady tells the impossible love story of Devin Peralta and Lindsay (“Danger”) Howard, who are quite possibly the most hipster humans we have ever encountered outside of Instagram.

To name just a few of the fabulous details from the story :

1) The bride goes by the nickname “Danger” because she does daring things like adopt a dog from a stranger and get a tattoo of a key on her forearm (“Not to my heart, but to the world”).

2) The first thing the bride said after she kissed the groom the first time was “Don’t fall in love with me.” (to his credit, the groom says he thought “Don’t flatter yourself,” in return).

3) The groom, who was in some sort of band called “Cobra Snakes” (and is also related to the Mulholland family — as in Mulholland Drive), quit the musician life to pursue his “secret dream to be a farmer.”

4) There’s this line: “Time had not dissipated his yearning for Danger.”

5) After they met up for like the zillionth time, the bride finally decided she wanted to date him for real when she “noticed and admired Mr. Peralta’s muscles, newly hewed by farm work.”

6) Dessert at the wedding consisted of donuts served on records.

7) Guests signed the guest book by inking their fingerprints.

We guess the only appropriate response here is to wish the couple a happy, healthy and Instagram-worthy life. [NYT]