Beyond room service: Hire a hotel butler to call you pretty

Can’t find a boyfriend to constantly feed you compliments and sporadically remind you that you’re “the fire of his loins?” Well, the Kimpton Hotel in Portland might be the next vacation spot for you!

Hotel hospitality here is taken to the next level, where a butler will stop by your room to chat about your marvelous smile while restoring your ice bucket.

It’s more than just room service and fresh towels at this moderately-priced, waterfront hotel. Kimpton RiverPlace offers a “Compliment Package” where guests can pay an additional $50 fee to receive a minimum of 10 verbal compliments, two cocktails (crafted from a questionnaire and named in your honor) and a daily visit from your compliment butler, according to Town & Country.

Imagine walking into your hotel room and finding a photograph of your puppy from your Instagram page beside a collection of dog treats to bring home. In the restaurant bar, a personalized cocktail awaits your arrival. Post-it notes on your room walls will remind you that you have gorgeous eyes and that you’re a great catch. And before bed, a butler may stop by with spa treatments and face masks to remind you of how sophisticated you are.

Basically, best of luck finding a significant other to make you feel as loved and taken care of as this boutique hotel does for its guests. Does your mediocre boyfriend delve deep into your social media accounts to find out your favorite snacks, and leave them on your nightstand? Didn’t think so.