1) Skinny, trendy people (pretended) to consume carbs at a private fundraiser in Montauk with a corn bar.
2) A painter was found dead in a pool in Southampton; as Gatsbyish an ending as anyone could ever wish for.
4) Three “affordable” homes are available for the first time ever in Southampton; because the number one priority on every low-income person’s list is a beach house.
5) Rich people like to sleep, but rich people also like helicopters; East End officials will discuss the most difficult conundrum of their careers.
6) Now if only they can figure out what to do about the imminent rosé (aka “Hamptons gatorade”) shortage.
7) Betsey Johnson had her annual yard sale; no official word on whether cartwheels happened.