If you ever had any doubt that William Randolph Hearst was secretly a vampire, you can now place it aside.
Dinner guests at Hearst Castle, the mega-mansion in San Simeon, California where Hearst lived, were attacked on Friday night by a rogue bat, according to Page Six.
Anne Hearst retreated to protect her towering coiffure from becoming a bat-trap, while her husband Jay McInerney — and his Tom Ford tuxedo shirt — were given a red wine baptism from a ducking chiroptophobe.
Thankfully, the wine was good: a 2013 Brewer-Clifton pinot noir, so McInerey didn’t have to spend the evening drenched in mediocre stuff.
The reason for the attack is not clear, but we have some theories. Maybe, Hearst-reincarnated-as-a-bat just wanted to make sure that his dinner guests were still awake, like that bird at the end of Citizen Kane. Or maybe, he’s just still really, really mean.