Make pasta in your very own $300,000-a-month Upper East Side rental

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This ain’t no Airbnb. An über expensive, fully furnished three-bedroom penthouse suite at Lowell Hotel on the Upper East Side has just hit the New York City rental market for a whopping $300,000-a-month (or $14,000-a-night). See it on our map of the priciest rentals in the city.

So what exactly does that awe-inspiring monthly fee get you? The WSJ reports the six-room, 2,900-square foot hotel suite renovated by interior designer Michael Smith is ideal for long stays. Comprised of such noteworthy things as a living room with a wood-burning fireplace and a dining room, it would appear its main selling point, according to the selling broker, is  (*gasp*) a kitchen. “Sometimes you want to be able to make a bowl of pasta,” explains Therese Bateman of Brown Harris Stevens.

If the ability to make some late-night mac n’ cheese doesn’t encourage you to whip out your checkbook, other goodies include: wireless internet, twice-daily turndown service, dog-walking, packing and unpacking services, and access to hotel amenities such as room service (which includes a pet menu), laundry and dry-cleaning.

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Renters who want to shrug off that “Lost in Translation” feeling can work with the hotel to customize the decor or fashion it with their own furnishings.

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Because of the aforementioned kitchen, the Lowell has been booked for extended stays before, but this is the first time it has been officially listed by a brokerage. (With that killer pasta line, we can certainly see why).

“For many, it’s their pied-à-terre in New York City,” explains Amie Buchanan, Director of Sales and Marketing at the Lowell.

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And even more incredibly, it’s not the most expensive hotel room in the city. That dubious honor belongs to the penthouse at The Mark Hotel, which rents for $75,000 a night and is also the most expensive hotel room in the world. It isn’t listed by a brokerage, but at that price would cost $2,325,000 for a month.