Good luck avoiding these posers at Art Basel

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The “it” crowds have all jumped aboard their helicopters, to get to their private jets, to get to Miami for Art Basel. But don’t be fooled, no one is really there for the art. For the very wealthy, the festival has become more of a social obligation than an art fair, full of networking events, endless DJ sets and, of course, piles of cocaine.

Thankfully, the Miami New Times has identified exactly who you should avoid at Art Basel this year — and most of them don’t give a damn about Mr. Brainwash, which is fine by us.

1. Rich people trying to keep up with their richer friends.

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For these folks Art Basel is just what people do now. And, hey, if they have a really great week, they might pick up a fresh Koons — the preferred artist of commercial real estate developers. 

2. Social climbers

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They want to hang with the cool kids, it’s just a matter of getting on the guest list.

3. Networking robots

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Their client base is at Art Basel, and there is no way in hell they are going to miss an opportunity to drum up some new business.

4. The sugar daddy

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They’ve got money to burn and this is highest concentration of PYTs since fashion week.

5. The coke dealer

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How else do you think a bunch of people in their mid-50s are hitting five parties in one night? Two years ago, Vice interviewed an Art Basel cocaine dealer and he had this to say: “I don’t know what it is about New Yorkers, but they are all cokeheads. New Yorkers pay the most for the worst shit, so it’s easy to impress them.” Yikes.