Parents at Barron Trump’s private school are flipping the F out

This is the actual image Columbia Grammar and Preparatory School has on its homepage
This is the actual image Columbia Grammar and Preparatory School has on its homepage

Of all the people who are worried about a Donald Trump’s presidency — i.e. everyone who isn’t a straight white male — none are freaking out with quite as much flair as a group that has managed to turn anxiousness into an art form: New York City private school parents.

Specifically, parents of children at Columbia Grammar and Preparatory School, where wee Barron Trump attends and will continue to attend at least until the end of the school year.

“I’m worried about some type of Mexican multi-car street abduction,” one concerned mother fretted to Vanity Fair, accidentally revealing her own racist fears.

Some of the wounds against the parents in the school run deep. Apparently, when Melania visited for an open house earlier this year, the Secret Service cordoned off the elevator, forcing regular parents to take the stairs. Quelle horreur! 

The school has already written to parents to try to assuage their worry, but there is a larger, deeper fear at work here that no amount of carefully-worded emails can subdue: How can liberal, Upper West Side parents continue to live their best bourgeois bohemian lives knowing that their kid attends the same school as a Trump?

As Emily Jane Fox put it in Vanity Fair: “Now, the parents who chose to enroll their children in this environment may be forced to cope with a rather uncomfortable question: are they comfortable being a part of Donald Trump’s brand?”

Of course, none of this is really true because enrolling your kid at Trump’s totally innocent kid’s school does not make you “part of Donald Trump’s brand.” The school has been more than happy to accept Trump’s tuition payments over the years, as well as $150,000 in donations from his Foundation.

And as the article points out, there are probably going to be a lot of benefits for the school, like an increased profile among international leaders looking for a school for their children. “Overall, this is a good thing for the school and its cachet,” a board member told Fox.

So please, Upper West Side parents, take a yoga class, eat some cheese from Zabar’s and realize that literally no one has sympathy for your problems. [VF]