One percenters are trying to one up each other via competitive weight loss

“Big wallet, small waistline” might as well be the new mantra for today’s one percenters. The “Less Than (size) Zero” set now engages in competitive weight loss without a hint of irony.

From dieting and working out to having gastric bypass or liposuction surgery, the monied are now trying to one up (or shall we say, “one down?”) each other in a rousing game of “how low can you go (in size?)”

The Observer’s Richard Kirshenbaum  weighs in on the trend, explaining he calls it “Competitive Thinness or CT SPORTS.” He gives us the skinny on some affluent folks who are getting creative to keep those lbs. off.

“Everyone just inhale. It’s a great trick and makes you feel like you ate the bread, but didn’t,” is one tip offered by the biggest loser around a table at a recent event. “Another tip is to just take a piece of crust and then send back the basket. Crust has less calories. And the crunch makes you feel like you’ve eaten the whole slice.” One skinny Minnie offers, ” I eat what I want but only have one or two bites.”

Those competing in the “Oslimpics” deem gifts of chocolate as passive aggressive acts — “if someone really has an issue with you….(dramatic pause) they will send you a box of chocolates!” — and think being called a size 4 can be equated with a slur — “I’m also offended when someone sends me a gift, maybe a blouse in a size 4. I find that insulting.”

Those living larger than life lives don’t actually want to be literally large in reality. While money can buy all sorts of tasty treats, the Richie Riches of today are different than those of yesteryear. While women have always had to eat like birds to stay en vogue, men used to be able to chow down on thick juicy steaks and kick back with multiple martinis. Nowadays even men have to keep it tight and right.

A “Real Estate Rockstar” explained it to Kirshenbaum thusly: “Competitive women drive men to be competitive, i.e ‘You shouldn’t have that late night snack. You’re going on vacation soon and will be in a bathing suit.’ It’s keeping the libido/ego in check.”

Lest you think this is all just a load of crap — well, “the Rockstar” offers one additional tip for maximizing one’s weight loss: “You know that my favorite day for weighing myself is after a colonoscopy.” [NYO]